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How to Get Over Your First Love

Ah, love. The one emotion that can make even the toughest of us most vulnerable.

The feelings of love can weigh heavy on us, especially if we are going through a breakup, trying to quit a haram relationship, or dealing with an intense but extremely one-sided crush.

During these times, love may lead to a million other and primarily negative emotions, like anger, resentment, and sadness, to name a few. And you may feel like wringing out and throwing away the root of all troubles – your feelings of love.

But how in the world do you get rid of these God-awful feelings?

“Just get over it” might be the worst advice in the history of all advice. So that’s not what this article will give you.

Reading this article, you’ll find some practical tips on getting over your first (or most recent) love.

Crushing the Chain – Getting Out of Love, All At Once

They say falling in love is easy. Getting out of it? Hard.

As hard as it may be, getting out of love is not impossible. Below are some proven-to-work tips on how you can get rid of those harmful feelings and turn your life around for good:

Cut the Cord. End that Good-for-nothing Haram Relationship

This tip is for our brothers and sisters struggling to get out of their illegitimate love affairs and relationships. If that’s not you, feel free to skip to the next tip.

There’s only one way you can escape from a haram relationship. And that is to just cut it off straight away, never looking back. No, phasing it out bit by bit will not be a good idea. It may seem like it. But it won’t be.

Cut the ties with the other person, block all connections, and move on. Yes, it will hurt. But the following tips will help you get over that hurt.

Acknowledge the Feelings and Vent Them out

Whether you are hurting because you’ve just left a haram relationship, are going through a rough breakup, or dealing with unreciprocated feelings, you might be experiencing unwanted emotions.

Your knee-jerk reaction may be to suppress these feelings. However, ignoring your feelings won’t make them go away. Acknowledging them will. Embrace your feelings, and only then will you truly be able to free yourself from the shackles of these drowning emotions.

Once you have acknowledged your feelings, it’s time to let go of them.

Talk to a friend or express your feelings in a journal. Vent everything out and release those emotions that have been building inside of you.

“Your ally is none but Allāh and [therefore] His Messenger and those who have believed – those who establish prayer and give zakāh, and they bow [in worship].” [Quran 5:55]

Take this ayah as a reminder and turn to Allah (SWT) with your broken heart. Cry out to Him (SWT) as you would to a friend. He is Al-Jabbar, The Reformer. He will support you and heal your broken heart. And you’ll get special help if you’ve come from a haram relationship. 

In a hadith Qudsi, we learn that Allah (SWT) says, “he who walks towards Me, I rush towards him..” [Sahih Al Bukhari – 2687a]

Take Responsibility for the Situation

If you are hurting because of your feelings for a certain person, you might also be blaming yourself for falling for them in the first place. But such negativity will only make matters worse.

Be kind to yourself and take this as a learning opportunity. Identify where you went wrong, learn from it, and try to improve your situation.

Avoid Things that Remind You of Them

If you are connected with these people you have feelings for on social media or anywhere at all, cut them off.  

As compelling as it may seem, avoid cyber-stalking them. They are doing just fine. You don’t need to get updates on their well-being. Prioritise your own well-being and move on.

Pause the Sad Music

Please stop drowning your sorrows in sad, depressing music. This will not help. Why would you scratch a wound that already hurts? Imagine your house was on fire. Would you pour kerosene all over it so it burns a little brighter? Of course not. So, pause the music and eliminate the sad songs. They will only make matters worse.

Shift Your Focus

The next step towards getting over your feelings of love is to occupy yourself with healthy, productive activities that keep you distracted from your thoughts and feelings.

The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before your busyness, and your life before your death.” [Shu’ab Al-Iman – 9767]

So, find a good and productive hobby and fill your time doing that.

A Better Future Is Just Around the Corner. All You Have to Do Is Walk.

Life may seem heavy and bleak when you’ve got a broken heart.

If who you thought was the love of your life has left you, you have left them, or you just couldn’t get them, that doesn’t mean you will never find anyone ever again.

You will find a better person who will be deserving of your emotions. And if you strive for that which is good, Allah (SWT) will find you someone who brings you joy, this time in a halal and more fulfilling way.

Allah (SWT) Himself says in the Quran, “And whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make a way out for them, and provide for them from sources they could never imagine.” [Quran 65:2-3]

And “Surely Allah does not break His Promise.” [Quran 03:09]

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