‘Bro, he’s so toxic’, ‘You know what? She just has a toxic vibe’, ‘I don’t understand why she keeps spreading her toxicity everywhere!’, ‘He’s just a walking example of being toxic’ – Some of the phrases you must have heard a lot lately (won’t be wrong to assume that you may have said any of these statements at some point too!)
Toxic – Do you know what it is? ‘I mean, I do. It means someone who just doesn’t click with my energy and puts me in a bad mood after every interaction’. Okay, hold on. Let’s see the psychological definition of toxic first. Interestingly, per Psychology Today, toxic is not a formal psychological word but rather descriptive of how people feel about interactions with certain individuals. In simple terms, it’s a side effect of interactions where boundaries are often blurred.
In this article, let’s try to figure out a way to deal with toxic people!
But Who are Toxic People?
As per Mental Health America, some of the common traits of toxic people are:
- 1. Manipulation
- 2. They make you feel bad about yourself
- 3. Are judgmental
- 4. Find negativity in everything
- 5. Carry the passive aggression
- 6. Are self-centred
- 7. Unable to regulate their emotions and anger
- 8. Carry controlling behaviour
I get you, while reading these traits, there might be some people popping into your mind and you might be thinking ‘See, I was right about him/her. He/she carries all these traits’. But, here’s the catch, as per a study, 84% of women and 75% of men report having to deal with a toxic friend at some point. Doesn’t it make evident that you might also have been considered toxic by your friends at some point in time?
Having said that, we mustn’t classify everyone under the title of Toxic because of certain things or situations. To begin with, give people the benefit of the doubt (But it doesn’t mean toxic people don’t exist. They do and you should know how to deal with them!)
The starting point is that there isn’t a one-method-fit-all strategy that works here. Let’s define three categories and see how Islam tells us to act in those situations:
- 1. Toxic Family Members
- 2. Toxic Friends
- 3. Toxic Associates or Strangers
Since the first category is the hardest to deal with, let’s begin with that!
How do I Deal with Toxic Family Members?
When it comes to this topic, people are like ‘I don’t care, I will cut ties with all the toxic people’. But we need to set an understanding here that it is not the right method.
Now if you ˹hypocrites˺ turn away, perhaps you would then spread corruption throughout the land and sever your ˹ties of˺ kinship! These are the ones who Allah has condemned, deafening them and blinding their eyes. [Quran 47:22-23]
This ayah clearly highlights that cutting ties with family members is a form of corruption and is not liked by Allah (SWT). So now the question is, what to do? Should I just let these people drain my energy?
No. There is a way out. Limit your connection. The way out is to opt for limited connection, for example, having a call with them once a month or interacting with them on family events or Eid(s).
The bottom line is that limited interaction reduces the idea of triggering negative emotions by a great deal.
How do I Deal with Toxic Friends?
So, when it comes to friends, it’s not an issue to cut ties. You must invest an effort to save the connection before deciding to turn away. However, if they are largely consuming your energy and leading to mental stress, cut that tie off.
Be gracious, enjoin what is right, and turn away from those who act ignorantly. [Quran 7:199]
Considering the above-mentioned ayah, it’s okay to move on and declutter the connections.
How do I Deal with Toxic Associates and Strangers?
Well to start with, you don’t have to deal with them. Simply maintain your peace by not indulging in interactions and communication that can affect your mental peace.
The ˹true˺ servants of the Most Compassionate are those who walk on the earth humbly, and when the foolish address them ˹improperly˺, they only respond with peace. [Quran 25:63]
As mentioned in the ayah, the way out here is not the way through, but by moving on from any of such potential situations. You must maintain your dignity and mental peace by having a simple answer ‘Peace’ to such people.
An Important Note
We all are capable of mistakes and the inability to regulate our emotions can also mark us under the category of ‘He/She is toxic’ for other people. Therefore, it’s important to create ease if you want ease. To do so, simple steps can be helpful:
- 1. Learn to regulate your emotions.
- 2. Be self-aware and have control over the negative mind talks.
- 3. Build your connection with Allah (SWT).
RLP Method
To bring it all together, here’s a simple three-step handy method to utilise whenever you have to deal with toxic people:
- R – Regulate your emotions: You have the power over your emotions. Heal the wounded parts so that no one has the power to trigger the old wounds!
- L – Limit the interactions: Try to limit your interaction with that person as much as possible. Lesser interactions will reduce the chances of emotional triggers.
- P – Pray to Allah (SWT): Remember that it is Allah (SWT) who has power over everything. Pray to Him to grant you hikmah (wisdom) to deal with the situation and hidayah (guidance) to that person.
Hope it helps for the next time you have to deal with a toxic person.
May Allah (SWT) be with you!
