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Oye Motay! Undoing Bodyshamig: Tips to Help You Fight those Mean Comments

You come across many problems in life. Some of these problems affect your mental well-being. 

But you know what makes it worse? 

When the problem exists and it is destroying your mental and maybe even physical health. But you are oblivious to it. 

This is the case with body shaming… at least in our society. 

“Oey motay!”, “Oye kalay”, “Oye chotay!” – these are all common nicknames we give each other casually, sometimes even jokingly. 

The person on the receiving end may also laugh it off as a meaningless joke. 

But what we don’t realise is that these labels constitute body shaming and have the potential to destroy someone’s mental health.

One bad comment about someone’s physical appearance can ruin not just their day but also their self-esteem. 

What Is Body Shaming? 

Body shaming is to humiliate or make fun of someone because of an aspect of their physical appearance. 

You are body shaming when you are making someone feel bad by passing comments about their weight, size, hair, age, color, or appearance.

The Different Ways of Body Shaming

When we read the phrase body shaming or see someone complaining about being body shamed, we immediately think of someone passing rude comments about the other person being overweight.

Of course, fat shaming, that is making someone feel bad about their weight, is perhaps the most common type of body shaming. But, there are other ways you can make someone feel bad about their physical features. 

Take skinny shaming, for example. This is when you make a person feel bad for being too thin or height shaming when you pass comments about someone’s height.

 And you know what? 

Those comments do not always have to be mean. 

Sometimes, you could be giving the most well-intentioned compliment or sharing the most sincere advice. But if this makes the other person feel negative about their physical appearance, it could mean that they feel body shamed. 

❌ A comment as simple as “arey hawa taiz chal rahi hai, kahin tum urr na jao” [The wind is so strong, it might blow you away] that you made when talking to a thin friend on a windy day, 

❌ A remark such as “How is the weather up there” that you made when meeting that tall friend, 

❌ advice like “You know drinking honey in hot water first thing in the morning can help lose weight”

❌ Or even a nickname you gave the short friend “Oye chotu!” [Hey, short one!]

All of this could make the person conscious about their physical aspects and could mean that you just body-shamed them. 

Body shaming does not only destroy someone’s self-esteem. It takes a pretty serious toll on their mental health as well. Social anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and body dysmorphia are all common outcomes of body shaming. 

This is why it is crucial that we be mindful of what we say and avoid any comments about someone’s physical appearance. 

How to Off-Set The Effects of Body Shaming

Okay, so we may be body shaming other people left and right as we go about our day. And we gotta stop. 

But what about when others body shame us? 

Just as we sometimes body shame others, others may also body shame us. Mostly unintentionally, but sometimes, with all the intention to make you feel bad about your body. 

Body shaming may come in different forms. And sometimes, these forms may be so overt, that you may not even realise you are being body shamed. 

Yes, a mean uncle advising you to shed some pounds or a rude aunty telling you to use fairness creams are all common ways someone may make you feel bad about your physical appearance. 

But it’s not just restricted to other people. 

You may be body shaming yourself. 

“kitna khao gi, moti.” 

“Ek to meri height bhi itni choti hai, I can’t even reach the top shelf.”

And 

“I shouldn’t wear red. Its too bright and makes my skin tone appear darker than it already is”

These are all phrases we may say and body shame our own selves, wrecking our self-esteem and fostering body-hatred as we go. 

Oh, and let’s not forget social media. 

What’s making body shaming worse these days is the fact that you could lock yourself up in a room and refuse to meet anyone and still a digital magazine sharing health hacks to help you lose weight fast and a (heavily edited) Instagram post from your favourite influencer showing how physically-perfect they look could come barging into your seclusion and make you feel worse about yourself overtly or very strongly. 

In fact, there are researches that show how body dissatisfaction has risen along with the rise in social media usage. 

So, with body shaming rampant and mean comments and dissatisfaction-inducing posts following you wherever you go, how do you not get body shamed and gain back the self-esteem that has already been shattered? 

We share some tips below:

Stop Body Shaming Yourself 

Change starts from you.

Yes, for real. This is not just a cliche phrase. The change you want truly starts when you change something within you. 

In the case of body shaming, this has to be your mindset. 

You have to stop being mean to yourself and give up on the negative comments you shower yourself with every day. 

Being mean to yourself won’t get you anywhere. Replacing those negative comments with positive, encouraging words will help you foster self-respect and self-love. 

When feeling bad about any aspect of your body, ask yourself “what would I say to a friend if they were feeling similar feelings?” 

Would it be mean words that made them feel worse? Or nice, encouraging reminders that could help them stop sulking? 

You will always always say uplifting words that would help your friend feel better. Then why not do the same for yourself? 

Focus on the Positives 

We are all perfect, exactly how we should be when it comes to our physical attributes. 

But okay, let’s stop for a moment and talk about all those “imperfections” you think you have because of those mean comments, unrealistic body standards, and of course negative self-talk.

Even if you are unhappy with certain features, surely there may be many features that you may like. 

Do you have a nice smile, a way of making others feel good when they are with you, lovely hair that people cannot stop gushing about? 

If there are certain things about yourself that YOU don’t like, there must be things that any one would die for. 

What are these attributes? Think and make a list. Then, let these attributes that you like empower you into regaining your self-esteem. Use them to reinforce your sense of self-worth and promote self-love. 

Reduce Your Time On Social Media

No matter how much you focus on your positive attributes, one small comment on social media, a post from an influencer flaunting their glass-skin and toned body, or a single article sharing tips to help you get rid of acne can make you dwindle down into despair.

Therefore, as you reinforce your self-confidence by focusing on the positives, don’t forget to be mindful of the content you consume on social media, lest you end up undoing all your hard work. 

Build Healthier Habits

You know what’s really nice about building healthy habits? Yes, they help you have a good life in the long run. But in the short-run, simply building those habits and doing them every day makes you feel good about yourself. 

You can off set some of the effects of body shaming by building healthier habits. These habits could include: 

  • working out every day, 
  • going for a walk, 
  • less scrolling, more socialising (remember to keep it halal),
  • Joining a tafsir course, 
  • Reading one page of the Quran with translation, 
  • Engaging in Dhikr [Remembrance of Allah SWT] 
  • Learning something new every day. 

When you’ll do these little things daily, you’ll regain some of your lost confidence. As an added benefit, you will be able to direct some of your mental bandwidth away from all the body negativity and towards this new habit. 

And while we are on the topic of building healthy habits, let’s not forget boundaries. 

Set your boundaries and respect them. Don’t allow anyone to body shame or humiliate you in any way.

That doesn’t mean you have to be disrespectful towards those rude uncles and aunties who body shame like there is no tomorrow. No. Be respectful but assertive. If you cannot respectfully tell someone you are happy with the way you look or remind them that they are being unkind, consider limiting your interaction with them – for the sake of your own mental well-being. 

Stop Comparing Yourself

You get nowhere by comparing yourself with other people. All it does is make you feel bad and forget all those good things you have. 

Instead of comparing, try reminding yourself that you are your own unique person. Your physical attributes are perfect the way they are. And also, the person you are looking at is not better than you just because they look a certain way. 

Stop wasting your precious mental energy on unhealthy comparisons. Focus on how you can build healthy habits, not because you want to alter your physical attributes but because you want to live a healthy life. 

Self-reflection: Are You Body Shaming Others? 

Now that you have the tools to combat body shaming for yourself, it’s time to stop for a moment and reflect on our interactions. 

Are we inadvertently or knowingly body shaming others? 

If your conversations involve casually commenting on other people’s physical attributes, you may be body shaming without even realizing it. 

Therefore, be mindful of what you say and avoid commenting on someone’s physical features. Even if you are about to compliment someone on losing weight or share advice on how they can, stop. 

Your words may still hurt them and we don’t want to do that.

Besides being mean and hurtful, body shaming others may as well be a huge sin. 

Once, Hazrat Aisha (RA) gestured that her co-wife, Hazrat Saffiyah (RA) was short. She did it in front of the Prophet (SAW) who, in response, said:

“You have said a word which would change the sea if it were mixed in it.” [Sunan Abi Dawud – 4875]

See how Hazrat Aisha (RA) did not even say anything and yet the Prophet (SAW) disapproved of the action.

From this, we can see how you don’t have to say something to body shame others. Merely making derogatory gestures may also get you in trouble. 

To Sum Up

Despite being so harmful for one’s mental and physical well-being, body shaming has become rampant today. 

It is not just widespread, but making someone feel bad about their body has become easy as well. With the access and anonymity that social media offers, people can easily body shame more than one person with a single rude comment. 

While we see body positivity and acceptance on the rise, tackling body shaming and brushing off its impact is only possible once you put in the effort and change the way you look at and talk to yourself. 

And as you work on overcoming the consequences of being body shamed, also try and be mindful of your conversations and interactions. Body shaming may be a huge sin and have grave consequences. 

So, it is best to avoid body shaming someone intentionally or unintentionally.

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